Coming To Terms
>> Sunday, November 8, 2009
This has been an emotional week for me and I don't even know where to start.
First off this week last year we just found out we were expecting. After months of trying and a few months of frustrations I was able to post this. So exciting! I'll never forget when my friend called and said she was and that I needed to take a test at that very moment. She waited while I went and bought one and took it. Low and behold it said positive! Then a few days later the Doctor confirmed it.
So we've gone from this
to this in a just under a year. 
It really is amazing how time flies and how lives can change in the blink of an eye. I must admit that even though I'm enjoying my time with Emmett and loving the fact that I can hold him all day and not have to worry about anything else I'm already thinking about more children.! One day I would love to have a house full of little feet running down the stairs and calling out to one another. (When I say full, I mean 3 or 4 tops)
The other part of the week/month(s) is trying to come to terms with the idea that with this career change for Brendan we are starting over as well and things have to change. For a few months of the year he'll have to leave to go to school in another city and we need to save every penny for that, which means giving things I've come accustomed to up. Things I'm not ready to give up.
In the back of my mind I know that it will all pay off in the long run, maybe even next year but right now I just can't justify it. Part of it is because I'm still waiting to recoup from Brendan's summer abroad that I paid for.
Sometimes I think it's really terrible the way I think about money. As a couple we should share it with each other and not complain. As an individual I'm down right pissed (sorry) that I give up well over a given amount each year for him to go off on an adventure or to try out a new career. I'm so sick of it that now I just resent it. I resent the paddling, the new career choices, the idea of giving things up for this new career. Resentment is every where. It's so bad for me that I think we (I) may actually need counseling to get through it.
So as I work through these emotions the blog may suffer a bit. Luckily, I have lots of Emmett pictures to keep you all entertained.
